Saturday, October 10, 2009

idyllic sunshine.

in Hand: one large, extra heavy mug of subtly flavored tea.
in Sight: sunshine, and the ocean. My messy room.
in the Air: melodies streaming from Laurell's new website.

Days like today and moments like this one are my absolute favorites. Well, they certainly top the list. Chilled air, cloudless sky, time to wander. It's quiet  and calm, and easy to pretend that everyone is doing what I'm doing: pausing, unbusied. After days and days of muddled non-clarity and foggy vision I am finally feeling slightly awoken. Not forgetting the shadows or how sleepy I have been - my hands are still outstretched and awaiting the same answers - but marveling in the Grace that change a heart in under a day.

To a bird's eye, my life will look the same as it did yesterday. The only trouble with a changing heart is that sometimes those changes can't be seen by others. How do you communicate the rhythms of Grace to the audience of your life? Sometimes, these changes don't have sentences that match. So we do our best, to put the grandiose lessons we are learning into words that make sense. They rarely make sense.

In the past few months, I have had so many opportunities to share my faith and my views on God and the world with people and I've realized...I sound crazy. So much of how I experience the Lord is mystical in nature; undefinable, uncatchable, and not entirely explainable. God doesn't fit into words.

So do I give up? Or do I keep trying to explain this irational Hope to the world?

I certainly won't give up, but I certainly don't want to become a person that talks too much and does too little. I don't want to leave people in the dark, but I also don't want to get so crazy that I think I can save people. So what do I do? I live, I suppose. I live. Eyes up, hands at work, heart in Love.

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