Tuesday, March 30, 2010

flounder.

I don’t know quite what to do with myself today. I got home from the movie last night and ate blueberries & ice cream at 11:30pm while I cried. Today I had a nap instead of eating lunch and then downed fries & a pepsi shortly after. All I want to do right now is to sleep and eat chocolate...

Ha, who says I’m an emotional eater…

Anyway, I’m now suddenly under the assumption that I’m completely wasting my life. I've thought this before, but today the feeling has struck me even more so. Children are being drugged & raped and I’m…working quietly in an office building? Spending money on myself? Ptooey.

As uncomfortable as I am right now, I’m resisting the urge to flee into greener, more naive pastures. I think we do that too often in our dangerously-cozy culture. So for now I’m going to sit in my discomfort until I figure out some way to do something productive with my grief. Let me know if you think of anything.

2 comments:

Tara said...

journal.... that's how I get everything out! Pray and then journal actually. Because then God takes my grief and ALL my emotion and somehow through my writing - angry writing, sad, happy, sometimes I even write in really big letters like i'm five and after i always feel better.... so I'm sure you've already done this - you wrote here and that might have been helpful:)
Love you my friend!

Victoria said...

Hi Ashley,
I have a few friends in law enforcement and after reading your posts about 'Holly' I asked them about legitimate agencies who are working to stop child trafficking and I was told that the best is IJM (The International Justice Mission). I checked their website and they are global organization that works not only to free kids, but to take down the people who are organizing the prostitution and also rehabilitate those that have been liberated. Maybe there's info there on how you can help.