fta: nostalgia

Funny how some things never change.
Regardless of the good, there will always be things to miss.
And yet, I wouldn't trade the good.

Here's another post from the archives: my 7-years-ago thoughts about nostalgia.

original post: Monday, September 12, 2005

In the sky last night were the most beautiful northern lights I have seen in awhile. By my fourth year in Saskatchewan, wandering out into fields late at night, at -35C, had sadly lost it's glory (mostly due to the fact that I didn't know anyone who'd walk with me by that point--and I'm a pansy who, at almost22, is still afraid of the dark)...so needless to say, I was absolutely amazed by the brilliant lights displayed in shades of green and purple waving across the sky; now fast, now slow, now faded, now radiant.

Nostalgia: those fleeting and yet resilient moments where the past comes close enough to feel but not close enough to touch; memories hit you in the face with their suddenness, yet softly cradle your heart in the same instant with their warmth. Time seems to happen in one moment: you remember four years (or perhaps a lifetime) of joy, pain, hurdles and triumphs...and suddenly wish you could relive them..hold on to them for just a little bit longer. And then you remember; they're already gone.

It had been, and was, a good evening. Lying on my back looking straight up at the sky, letting the body heat of friends beside me be my source of heat. It took a little effort to ignore Elvis, the dog, as he sniffed my hair and eyed me quizzically. As cute as he was, I was busy: watching the most beautiful of God's creations dance above me in the black sky.

So why the flash of emotion? Why the tears? Why the longing for years gone by?

Perhaps it is because watching the northern lights, which are so majestic and awe-inspiring and mysterious, I can only be still and allow God to gain me some perspective, and give me grace to ask questions I don't need answers to; to step back from myself in a way. To focus on everything and nothing at the same time.

to breath

to be

...and in this graceful allowance feel and realize that which my busy, selfish, day to day life does not allow me to stop and think about: though I miss days past, it is vital I embrace today; this recent future. How ironic; in four years I may be gazing up at the northern lights, wishing for today.