Some time ago, I was accused of shutting the door in someone's face. "I just couldn't believe it," they said, with much disdain and lipcurling. Neither could I believe what was being said. Not only is this action outside my realm of possibility -- I wouldn't do it -- the thing is, I wasn't even at the door. In fact, I wasn't even in that part of the house. How then, could the story be believed as such?
I've learned some people will judge and belittle no matter what the actions are. Some people have constructed a worldview so specific, so self-focused, that truth is what they make it, and not the truth at all. It is easier, perhaps, to believe someone else is wicked, to make up a story, than to question and re-evaluate ourselves.
My initial response to the accusation was anger. Next I was confused, then I battled resignation, and then, I laughed. I laughed a lot. You guys, I didn't even go to the door. And yet, this person Believes I shut the door on them, believes it so fully they told me I did it, even though I am the person they're lying about. There is absolutely, wholly, totally, undeniably nothing I can do about that.
By engaging in relationship, we are essentially opening our doors. What I do when I open my door is my decision; opening my door invites response. I can not control how other people respond to me, I can not control what they say when they're coming up the walk, I can not control who comes to my door, or when. So if someone stands on my front porch, uninvited, builds a mirage wherein I open the door and shut it in their face -- and all the while I'm in my living room, having tea...I can not control this. I can find it sad, wildly pathetic, heartbreaking, insurmountable, unreasonable, and stupid. But I can not change it.
Judgement often comes as a response to our own uncertainty or hurt (clearly, I am responding, here, to my own). We often judge most those we know the least. If someone decides to make a judgement before they know me, I remind myself of the time that I didn't even go to the door. If a person decides to operate in such a dishonest manner, I, and my household, will be unaffected. The door opens to relationship, and closes with mistrust.
photo source: laporterouge