Pre-breakfast, pre-anything, I feel inspired to tell you: I am in love. Sure, I hinted at it last post, even showed a picture of the ring (gasp! I know right!). But I didn't say it outright. Since this is my mountaintop, I'm going to shout it here: I am in love, and it is good.
The funny thing about love is that you often feel you're at the height of it, even when there's so much more to show. After our first date (yes, it was that quick for me) I thought to myself, "Uh-oh" because something was up. In the following days & dates, I felt as though the intensity of my feelings for this man would absolutely kill me. Time wore on, but real love grew: first as a sprout (oh! what a sprout!), then a stem (a brilliant stem!), then the roots came (such roots! such marvelous roots!). Like any growing thing, water and heat forced us upward, pushed our roots into the earth, bound us together. The weather in our world only wound our hands, arms, and hearts a little closer. If the sun came out, we basked; if the rains came, we built shelter. Through everything, though, we stayed together, talked it out, learned to keep our hearts light in the midst of it. Habits formed early, patterns that stick.
Pre-engagement, pre-ring, I thought I had hit the height of it. I knew I'd marry the man. I'd known for a long time, in fact, and wanted to for longer. I loved him to the max of love, to the utmost. And then, he proposed, I said yes, we got engaged. Something about that forever thing opened chasms I'd not yet known existed. I love you even more than I did yesterday? I do, in fact. Every day brings another layer, another reason, another tuning of our hearts. Every day I love him to the height of love, and it feels a little silly. Good silly. Wonderful silly.
It feels silly because of all those times I worried and waxed poetic about loneliness. It feels silly because the day before him was the day I'd come to peace with, and actually desired, a lifetime of solitude. It feels silly because he's not what I expected, but everything I wanted, and every thing I didn't know I needed. The thing is, we're tailor-made, perfectly matched, two halves of the same whole. It feels silly if silly is ridiculous peace, soul-deep joy, wholehearted, triple-felt, absolute bliss. That bubble of laughter that rises up from your belly in the best moment: this is what our love feels like. I love him to the height of it, & I'll love him more tomorrow.