Saturday, November 13, 2010

fta: for my beautiful friends that second guess themselves

..a slight continuation from yesterday; which in 2007, was the precursor to yesterday. This is a love letter, written to my beautiful friends who second guess themselves.

It is so easy to get wrapped up in the messes we create. So easy to wonder ourselves into darkness. So second nature to second guess our worth and beauty.

It's hard for me to watch my beautiful friends second guess themselves because they feel like they're alone. We stand and wait, against the wind of the world, clinging to that seed of promise, hoping that somehow our waiting will produce the dream we long for. Hoping also that the dream we choose is somehow accurate.

Have we gone off course?

How stubborn should we be in sticking to our gut feeling that yes, this is right?

This deep seated feeling has to come from somewhere unchosen, because I can't wish it away. Weighing each side, looking at the odds, realizing that I am most likely trumped...even these realities won't make it leave me. My arms are getting tired from holding this Up; clinging to it makes me wearier.

There just has to be something else for you, my love. There has to be, for each of us. We stand at the top of the hill in the wind of our gusting emotions and we feel like we're alone, but we're not. Our hearts are beautiful and have been made good, but I think our minds walk us into danger. They convince us that we're lonely when we're loved; that we're second best when we're priceless. That we have no beauty left, even though Beauty Himself has made us.

I wish I could whisper into your heart and tell it to keep going. Or hold it to let it rest.

But then I remember that you are held already; that I, on my own, can not hold you. I remember what it feels like to need holding. When we are too weak to raise our arms and cry "hosanna!", when our knees are sore from landing there, we are held.

We are held in Hands that only hold the priceless.

You are seen and loved.


alisha said...

This is beautiful, Ashley. You have such a gift of expressing the truths of life so eloquently. You can write me a love letter anytime :)

Colleen Taylor said...

So beautiful, Ashley. Thank you.

JT's secret wife said...

thank you.

Mama said...

Thank you for this. It sums up so many important things that I've gone through and am still dealing with. I am going to share this with my Pastor.